things my friends have told me that stuck to my head // don’t delete caption pls
(Source: rosewatertear, via sicklygrl)
Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild (via thelovejournals)
(Source: thelovejournals.com, via scattered-bones)
Some people feel like they don’t deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.
Azra.T "You have to dig up some skeletons before you can bury them" (via 5000letters)
You get a strange feeling when you lose someone you were intimate with. Kind of like you never want to be touched again. Or avoiding letting anyone else put their hands where theirs used to be. It becomes a strange process, letting the relationship die over and over again until you can stop hating anything that comes into contact with you that isn’t them. You resent the shower because all the hot water makes you feel like your body was never theirs. You quit masturbating because their fingers were the last inside of you and you want to keep it that way. You want your insides to become a relic of all the ways they loved you. So it becomes a funny process, you have to bury them and dig them up for every new old thing that you do without them. You kiss another person and think it’s the worst kind of betrayal. You’re angry at your mouth for enjoying it, you’re angry at your mouth for wanting more, and you’re angry at yourself for forgetting what their lips tasted like. That’s how it happens, you barely notice at first. It starts with tiny little things, you forget how they looked in the morning, you forget how their own brand of stubble felt between your thighs, you move on and it’s terrifying and it’s glorious but more than that, it’s freeing. Because you thought you’d never have that again, you’d never want someone so much that it felt like drowning and gasping for air was the most wonderful thing you’d ever done.
So it’s okay, you can say ‘I am so scared that I will never love someone like I loved you’ when they leave, but it won’t be true. It won’t come close to true. Months from now you’ll be in a dark room with another person who turns your body into a lit match and there will be a litany of ‘fucks’ falling in procession from your mouth and they will be more a part of you than anyone has ever been and you’ll feel glorious and more than that, you’ll feel safe. And here is what you’re going to think: I had that moment with you and I am thankful for it. That is it.
Azra T on ‘Loving Ghosts’
Feelings. Oh Mondays, end already.
(via hereinthequiet)
I’m scared that it’s always going to be you and we fucked it up and everything else we do is going to be some kind of haunted. I’m scared that I’ll find your ghost living everywhere. That 30 years from now I’ll be standing in the kitchen of my own home and the windows will be wide open. My husband will be sitting on the counter behind me talking about the financial report on the newspaper. The kids are somewhere upstairs. And my hands will tighten around the cup of tea that I’m holding and I’ll remember that your ears were always slightly too big for your head, that I nibbled on them, that you listened to music with your eyes closed, that you held me like I was something important, that it felt like forever even though both of us knew it wasn’t. And who can feel that kind of regret and not be crippled with it? Who can say, without a tremble, that we loved and that it was beautiful and full, and somehow that it still wasn’t enough?
5000 letters (via the-elephant-bee)
You’re going to do
something terrible,
you’re going to kiss
someone else
with that mouth.
And I will not forgive you,
because I will not know
how to forget
that my skin is mine
but mostly it’s yours.
We were charting
another Atlantis together
on the map of my body,
And I’m taking it back now.
Your knowledge,
my secrets,
my gasps when you touch me
there, and there,
how these new worlds were
for you.
So you’ll kiss another mouth,
and maybe you’ll enjoy it,
maybe it’ll taste like new summer
or wild berries
or something you’ve never
had on your tongue before
but when you come back for me
with your hands wide open
I will not come,
I will not look for you,
and I will not forgive you.”
— AZRA.T., “ANOTHER MOUTH
Azra T. (via coooooons)
You’re wearing your last goodbye
on your face like dirty clothing
and she won’t look at you,
she won’t look at you because
she loves you and this means
forgetting, this means closing
every door that leads to
your hands and the
bedpost notches on your spine,
the both of you passing each other
like lonely ghosts in the night
except you held onto her wrist
before she could leave
and she stayed with you ever since.
She loves you so she won’t
meet your eyes or unshackle
her unsteady deer like legs
to get up from the sofa
and tell you to go and fuck yourself
for making her love you
and not staying around
for the collateral
(via simplr-buddha)
(via diaryofabrowngal)
Slowdown. Stop. Look around. Breathe. Be grateful.
goodbyeuphoria-deactivated20151:
I hope it’s all in you. Worlds and constellations and every pretty thing that could destroy you if you look too closely. After you kiss me, I want to have to pull out your poetry from between my teeth. Untangle it from the knots in my hair. Find it clogging up the shower drains.
I hope that I find it after flossing. Standing at the bathroom sink, running my tongue over the words “survive” and “together.” I’m all messed up bedroom hair and dog-tired eyes and your language is painted over me like neon signage. Let’s wake up to burning. It can be the toast or it can be all the bridges we weren’t going to cross together.
I think we began here. I think it all started in your holy hands and dirty, ugly tongue. Say things that change me. Write them on my body, I want to wake up to a different world inside of me. Take every awful thing and make it wonderful. Say “I love you” like a curse. Say it like a blessing. Don’t say it at all. Fuck, I don’t really care as long as you keep looking at me like that. Like maybe you see the beautiful thing inside of me that I already know exists. That maybe you appreciate it too and that appreciation can hold hands and walk into a fire together and it will be violent and devastating and we will love every moment of it.
I gotta warn you now though, there are ugly things inside of me. Dark things that look like whatever you were scared of when you were nine. Sometimes I’m unrecognisable because of them. I need you to love me through those times, even if you’re terrified. Even if your teeth are chattering from the cold because you’ve got them too. And I promise I’ll hold you through the awful. I promise I’ll never make you feel like I’m going to leave you behind. All your drunk and your bitter and your hateful. All the twisted things that keep you up at night. We’ll survive every damn winter together. I’ll hold your hand when the beasts are clawing at you. Let’s do this one thing for each other, here it goes: I have seen the good in you and the bad in you and I will try my hardest to always love them both. When there are days that I cannot love you like I should, I will stay. I will stay. I will straighten my shoulders, take your battle and I will stay.